Parenting Tips

Sue Allen’s Top Tips

for supporting children to learn emotional intelligence in the home.

Remember that we all behave because of how we feel.

In any communication, we all read the non verbal communication, not just the words. For example when someone tells us they are feeling fine, we will recognise if their facial expression, tone of voice and posture are saying the opposite. (This is very confusing for children). We can learn to talk about what is really going on for us, taking responsibility for our own feelings rather than blame.

All change begins with honest communication,

not just telling the people around us what to do.

(Link to Principles of Transformational Communication)

When we are feeling upset, ask ourselves when we felt this before.

It is never the first time we felt this way. Where things happened in the past that have not been resolved, we have a button of old feelings, which get pressed in similar situtations in the present. Often, we are responding more to the past than the present. When we understand and recognise that, it can clear up the present stressed feelings.

Choose our families, the people in our lives now

Seeing them as a burden puts us into sacrifice mode, and everybody feels it, even if it is left unspoken. We need to ask ourselves - ‘What do I choose here?’ – and recognise that we always do have a choice – even the choice not to. Everyone in a situation is feeling thre resentment, and both the atmosphere and our feelings change when we choose the people in our lives, and choose to put in our time and energy.

Appreciate the people around us.

Truly appreciating others, with our hearts or feelings, not just in words, ends the problems, fights and distance between us.

Forgive mistakes.

We all make them, and it is never too late to redress the old ones. If we dwell on the mistakes, it’s really a place where WE are stuck and haven’t learned the lesson.